by Wayne Ren-Cheng
In the Sigalovada Sutra the Buddha talks to Sigala about the six key relationships he realized as important to human existence. The child/parent, student/secular teacher, domestic partners, friends, employer/employee, and student/spiritual teacher relationships, as well as that of material goods are offered in the sutra. Considering the social aspects of Siddhartha’s time and culture these were the relationships that had direct impact of each person’s life. Today, considering the global nature of society there is another relationship that has tremendous impact, moment-to-moment in each person’s life . . . that of strangers.
The dharma of strangers is that they hold the place of both form and emptiness in each of our lives. For some, strangers are to be feared and avoided; for others, strangers are possible friends or at the very least probable acquaintances. There are people viewed as strangers whom little is known about such as the sales clerk in the store where you buy your shoes, and those viewed as strangers who contribute greatly to your life but who you know absolutely nothing about such as the coders who make the virtual world of Second Life possible. There is in an emptiness of knowledge and contact while they take on a form by how they impact your life.
Strangers are people that we categorize by gender, race, profession and physical characteristics. That is often the full extent of our knowledge of them and so it is how we can come to judge them. Becoming aware of the consequential aspect of those we see as strangers offers a wholly different perspective. Most of us probably intuit that there is a strata of people between stranger and friend. We recognize that there are people we are connected with beyond family and friend but that connection is so subtle its value can go unnoticed. Often the term acquaintance is used as the bridge between friend and stranger. They might earn the description, “my friend the . . . (hairdresser, bank teller, car mechanic)” but in reality they are acquaintances. In their book “Consequential Strangers”, Melinda Blau and Karen Fingerman creatively re-describe this category of strangers and acquaintances in our lives. They give the people we once classified as strangers and acquaintances stronger connections to HOW we are.